September 16, 2003

Teacher or Parent?

The line between being the teacher and the parent often becomes blurred when one is home schooling. In our school, we study the basic courses that eveyone must study, especially during the elementary years, but we try to diminish the sense that we are "in school" while learning those skills. At the same time, we believe all of life is a learning experience, so we don't just "do school" while at home in the classroom. We may apply a lesson in the grocery store or in the car on the way to a friend's house, and often do.

As a result, we are faced with the challenge of defining our respective roles as well as tending to these vital, life-long relationships.

I suppose you could say that not only does the line between being the parent and the teacher become blurred in home schooling, but the line between life and school also becomes blurred.

Recognizing the challenge may be easy enough, but rectifying it is not.

While there are many variables involved in both roles, there is one element, however, that is essential to both: that essential element is respect. In fact, there are few roles or positions in life that do not recognize the need for respect. God commands it (in Psalm 34:9 and many other verses); Martin Luther King, Jr. died for it; Aretha Franklin demanded it; and women, gays, pro-lifers, and blacks have marched on Washington, D.C. to obtain it. Both the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution were set up in order to secure respect (among other things) both for our nation and for the individual rights of her citizens.

So what does this have to do with our roles as teachers and parents? The answer is simple, though not entirely easy.... In order to command respect, we must be willing to freely give it. We must model the respect we desire to obtain. In order to cultivate respect, we must sow the seeds of respect.

What this means is that if we want our children to respect us as their parents and their teachers, we must respect them for who they are. Do we 'talk down' to our children? Do we bark out orders like a drill sargeant? Do we try to control their behavior, suppress their individuality, or demean them in any way? If we do, not only will they not respect us, but they will rebel against everything we stand for--our values, our morals, and our faith.

The question, therefore, is not nearly so focused upon our individual roles as parents and teachers, as it is about the virtues and behaviors we ourselves model to our children. If we are open to their ideas, ready to discuss things that matter to them, available to spend time with them, and show regard for their opinions, their feelings, and their likes and dislikes, they in turn will respond more respectfully toward us.

There's an old saying that goes like this: "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." We wouldn't be home schooling our children if we didn't care about them, but in the daily-ness of the must do's and should do's and have to's, do we take time out to talk with our children, to listen to them, and to respect their views, opinions, and the things that are important to them? If we haven't, now would be the perfect time to begin.